Independence from God
By guest author Colleen Pressprich
“Independence from God is an illusion that harms us.” These words from the March Magnificat (p. 188) have been echoing in my heart this week. Partially through Lent, I had gotten complacent in my prayer life, and with this one sentence, God cut through the distracting thoughts of my prayer time and reminded me that I needed to be seeking him first. I wrote the words down in my prayer journal so that later, I can remember the wisdom and be encouraged anew.
When I was in college, I picked up the habit of keeping a prayer journal. It began because I had printed out all of the readings from St. Louis de Montfort’s consecration preparation, and knew myself well enough to know that I would lose and tear the loose papers. To solve the problem, I glued them into the pages of a journal I had in my dorm room. Not thinking much of it at the time, I found myself underlining the passages where I heard God speaking and writing notes in the margins of my responses.
Internalizing his words
I kept up the practice of noting where I heard God after the preparation period had ended, sometimes underlining in the text I was reading, but more often, writing the quote down. Something about the process of writing the text helped me to internalize it, make the words a part of me. My prayer journal became a call and answer — I would speak to God in my words, then listen and read, and as I did, I would hear his voice. It is a compilation of my own words, quotes that have spoken to my heart, and God’s words whispered to me in the silence of prayer.
Over the last decades, I have filled many journals. They are packed in boxes and stored in the basement of the tiny home our family rents, but soon they will be dusted off and set upon the shelves in our own home, a physical reminder that I can, in fact, hear God’s voice, a challenge to remain close enough to be able to listen. Because that’s the trick, isn’t it?
Close to him in prayer and writing
When I feel strong enough on my own, that the little corner of the world I inhabit is operating properly and within my control, I drift. I, consciously or unconsciously, stop drawing in close, stop pausing to quiet my heart, forgetting He who sustains my every breath.
It’s true of all aspects of my life, but one of my clearest indicators these days that I am remaining close to the Lord is found in my writing. When I am paying attention to the words he is speaking to me. I have words to write; the passion, the desire, even the topics are there. Writing flows from prayer and prayer from writing. The two are intimately intertwined for me. I never thought I would be a writer. It was not something that I loved until it became the place where I found the Lord.
Related series: Journaling toward God
