Ten reasons to stop beating yourself up

St Augustine in Prayer by Ribera (Restored Traditions)

Forgiveness happens when you surrender your natural desire for revenge. Reconciliation is the tranquility that results from right order.--St. Augustine

I’m big on forgiveness to ward off revenge. I can eventually forgive anyone—except myself!

How do I forgive myself for my angry outbursts against those I love dearly? For the little acts of revenge I am tempted to mete out to even the score? Here’s the pattern: With a change of heart, I confess my sins and God forgives me. I apologize and reconcile with those I offended. Yet my actions still haunt me.

Yes, I’ve forgiven everyone and stopped wanting to hurt them for hurting me. Then I realized the next step is to stop hurting myself. That’s the hard part!

I know that forgiving myself means I must stop excusing myself with “that’s just the way I am.” It means reversing the downward cycle of punishing myself for all the times I couldn’t forgive myself. Stop listening to all the negative self-talk of unworthiness. Stop taking revenge on myself!

To get a grip on how to forgive myself, I prayed for many days. I pondered all the ways I punish myself with unforgiveness and came up with ten reasons you and I can stop beating ourselves up with the club of unforgiveness:

Doors to heaven

1. We enter heaven through a series of doors of forgiveness. God’s forgiveness of our sins. Our forgiveness of the sins of others. Our forgiveness of our sins. Why hesitate at the last door when we are almost in?
2. God loves each of us just as we are. Yes, he really does! Still, he wants us to grow spiritually. When we withhold forgiveness from anyone, we block his love from reaching us. That’s true when the person we can’t forgive is us.
3. We are all cells in the Body of Christ. When sin or self-condemnation damage one of us and we don’t seek reconciliation, we further weaken the whole Body of Christ.

Let God be God

4. When we accept God’s forgiveness, we show our trust in him. When we don’t accept his forgiveness by not forgiving ourselves, we express dishonor and distrust. How does that draw us closer to him? It doesn’t!
5. When we withhold forgiveness from ourselves like a punishing parent, we set ourselves above God, the highest authority and final word on forgiveness. And like a naughty child, we tend to continue negative behaviors.

No stalling!

6. When we don’t forgive ourselves for hurting others now or in the past, we are not open to God’s healing power. He gives us the grace to forgive ourselves as soon as we ask for it.
7. When we don’t forgive ourselves for how we hurt others in the past, we put a barrier between us and God’s healing power. He gives us the grace to forgive ourselves as soon as we ask for it.
8. When we say that we forgive ourselves and yet don’t make an effort to change our negative attitude toward ourselves, we are stiff-arming him. Stalling is not progress!

As we do unto others

9. If we step back and treat ourselves as we would those we have hurt, we can show ourselves that same compassion. We can help ourselves let go of the habit of harming ourselves. Be merciful to ourselves. Help our wounded self make a plan of action to treat ourselves better. Expect more of ourselves and trust God to heal us—all the benefits we desire for others.

The tranquility that results from right order

7. When our conscience prompts us to forgive others, we know how to forgive them and seek the Sacrament of Reconciliation. If we leave the confessional with our relationships with God and with them restored to right order. But sometimes we kneel to say our penance without peace. We try to shrug off the restlessness that signals we are not yet free. But before we leave the presence of the Lord, let us answer the prompting of the Holy Spirit to forgive the self-accusations that God and others have already forgiven. Reconcile with yourself and leave the church with a big smile and a lighter step.
8. Hold onto the belief that God wants to free us from every impediment to loving him wholeheartedly, including being a peace with ourselves. He takes joy in untangling our life!

 As we surrender these last vestiges of unforgiveness to God, he rejoices with us! We have forgiven everyone and finally ourselves. We are in God’s right order with them, with God and with ourselves. Our hearts are joyful; our spirits at peace.

Which of these ten reasons are keeping you from forgiving yourself?