Joy Stories: My Restless Heart

  

by Cyndi Lucky
“Our hearts are restless until they can find rest in you.” —St. Augustine

I was “born and raised” in Dallas, Texas, in a predominately Southern Baptist home.  My two loving parents adopted me at birth. My daddy was a devoted Southern Baptist, and my mother was an inactive Lutheran. I found out at age nine about my adoption and never gave it much thought except that my parents definitely wanted me. My mother became increasingly emotionally incapable of mothering me due to a prescription drug she took for her acute asthma.

As I matured, I became more and more independent, but less and less involved with my dad’s church. I did get involved at a church with a strong youth group through a close friend. There, I accepted Jesus as my personal savior and was baptized at about age 13 or 14. I spent a few years very involved there and got to know Jesus in a personal way.

Sadly, at about age 16, after my dad’s near death experience, I disengaged from my church, God and Jesus. I still believed; I just quit following.

I entered into a 30-year journey through a desert full of sin and self-destructive behavior. During this time, I thought I had it all under control. I bounced from man to man. I partied frequently and heavily.  At about age 27, I lost my mother after a 6-week hospital stay in ICU.  After her passing, I spiraled downward even further, feeling so much guilt for my part in our difficult relationship.

Finding my birth mother

I had found my birth mom about a year before my adoptive mother’s passing. I was surprised by her story. I always took it for granted that my adoption probably was a result of a teen pregnancy. Far from it. She was in an adulterous affair in a small town with a married man who had two children. She came to Dallas to deliver and put me up for adoption only because in 1960 abortion was not legal. She was afraid of the back alley butchers performing illegal abortions.

The Lord obviously had his mighty and protecting hand on my life since conception. He protected me from abortion, and from being raised as an illegitimate child in an alcoholic environment with little or no religious affiliation. Through my adoption, he put me in the loving and tender care of a couple, who not only desperately wanted a child, but also made sure I was introduced to Jesus and God.

I married and divorced numerous times. My children’s father was Catholic and because of his mother’s devout faith to the Church, not only did I agree to raise them Catholic thru their Baptism, I fell in love with the Church. I entered RCIA twice, but due to both our prior marriages, was unable to receive the Sacraments.

It’s time!

After my last divorce, during my son’s Confirmation, I heard the Lord tell me, “It’s TIME.” I had a beautiful friend in the Catholic school’s extended day program who also just happened to be the Director of Family Ministry. She had told me she would help me through the process and that someday, “They’d get me.” She was also the RCIA facilitator at the time.

My experience going through the Annulment process was one of healing and forgiveness. But I also learned what was missing from my life and my marriages and am thankful for the Church’s guidance during the process. 

I was received into the Church at Easter Vigil, 2007 under the Confirmation name of St. Augustine. The Lord has blest me with an incredible husband and a marriage convalidated by the Church. My journey has led me from leading a women’s group for five years into a ministry of love, evangelization and knowledge working for Dr. Marcellino D’Ambrosio, one of the best Catholic speakers of our time.

I had a void in my life for 30 years and tried to fill it with just about everything the Church and sacred scripture warns us about. Only One could fill it with the love and tenderness my heart desired.

(© 2015 Cyndi Lucky)

Cyndi Lucky is a native Texan, proud of her roots in Oak Cliff, a suburb of Dallas. Raised as a Baptist, she converted in 2007 after a conversion experience during her children’s Catholic education at Mary Immaculate Catholic Church in Farmers Branch, Texas.  She joined Dr.Italy.com in January 2013, after volunteering since 2012. She resides with her husband, Steve Lucky in Carrollton, TX, north of Dallas. Her daughter Christine is a student at Blinn Jr. College and her son Jay is in the US Navy.

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About Nancy Ward

Nancy HC Ward is a journalist, author, and speaker who blogs about Catholicism, her conversion, and Christian community at JoyAlive.net,
 7 websites and 7 magazines. She loves to share her faith story and help others share theirs through her Sharing Your Faith Stories seminars, also available on DVD. She contributed four chapters to The Catholic Mom’s Prayer Companion. She facilitates the Dallas/Fort Worth Catholic Writers and a critique group for the Catholic Writers Guild, where she serves as a board member.
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